My Journey to Belonging: Finding Strength in Our Stories

Dear ACCESS Pioneers,

Today, I want to invite you into my story and share some of the pivotal moments that have shaped my path. I hope these reflections remind you of your own resilience, encourage you to embrace your unique voice, and offer tangible steps to move forward with intention and authenticity.

My journey has been marked by a sense of “otherness” and belonging—a tension I suspect many of you know well. As a Black man entering the world of luxury and consumer spaces, I have repeatedly faced expectations that didn’t align with who I am. For years, I navigated these spaces quietly, observing how people like me—people who didn’t fit a stereotypical image of “luxury”—were met with subtle (and not-so-subtle) messages that we didn’t belong.

Growing up, my mother and grandparents instilled in me a powerful belief: I am enough. They reminded me that my worth is intrinsic, a constant presence I carry with me no matter the space I inhabit. This lesson, simple as it might sound, became a grounding force in my life. But even with that foundation, I’d be lying if I said every step of the journey was easy.

One experience in 2018 stands out to me—an encounter at a Chanel store. I walked in, dressed casually, and within moments, I felt a shift in how I was being perceived. The glances, the restrained voices, and the unspoken message: You don’t belong here. The air thickened with assumptions based on my attire and my skin. In that moment, I felt the weight of expectations that luxury spaces place on Black and marginalized bodies, and the impact of being seen through such a narrow lens.

This experience didn’t leave me, and in some ways, I’m grateful it didn’t. It sparked questions about why our society limits access to spaces based on external expectations and prejudices. That day became the seed for my doctoral research and my career as Chief Strategist for Popular Culture & Consumer Engagement. It even became the foundation of the book I’m writing, exploring these hidden biases and barriers in consumer spaces, especially for Black women and Black men.

Building a career around these questions—around accessibility, equity, and belonging—has been deeply personal and profoundly fulfilling. It’s also been challenging. There have been times I felt like I was carrying not just my story, but the stories of all those who feel invisible or misunderstood in spaces that were never designed for us.

With that purpose in mind, I founded ACCESSory Insights, LLC, where I work as an Organizational Physician. Here, I don’t just help people and organizations hone their stories—I help them heal, grow, and find their place in the world. My work includes consulting, executive coaching, and developing frameworks like my Oxygen Theory and Adverse Organizational Experiences (AOEs) model, designed to address the often-invisible issues that hinder well-being and success in organizations.

My Life’s Work in Theory and Practice

I created the Oxygen Theory to address a simple but profound truth: just as the body needs oxygen to heal, organizations need transparency and openness to confront and resolve their hidden issues. Inspired by Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy, this model encourages companies to look closely at their underlying structures and the invisible fractures that affect their people’s well-being. When an organization is transparent and willing to address its challenges openly, real change becomes possible.

Similarly, my AOEs model is an adaptation of the medical model of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). I use this framework to help organizations identify and address adverse experiences within their culture—things like toxic environments, poor communication, and systemic exclusion. Just as childhood traumas can affect lifelong well-being, adverse organizational experiences leave lasting impacts on employee morale and performance. This work, in its own way, is an act of healing.

Finding Belonging in a World of Otherness

One of my most personal projects is my work with clients around identity and image—helping people shape their own sense of belonging within spaces that often resist it. This mission stems directly from my own experience of feeling both “seen” and “unseen,” belonging and “otherness.” Each time I walk into a luxury store, every time I step into a high-level meeting, I am reminded of the ways in which I don’t fit certain expectations—and yet, I know I am meant to be there.

This brings me back to a truth I learned early in life: that I am enough. And so are you. The world may have its own perceptions, but your worth is intrinsic. You don’t have to “earn” a place; you are the place.

3 Ways to Embrace Your Own Story and Purpose

This journey has taught me several powerful lessons that I hope might resonate with you, wherever you are in your life and career.

1. Embrace Your Intrinsic Worth

For years, I tried to mold myself into what I thought the world wanted, to gain access to spaces that were reluctant to welcome me. I’ve learned, though, that we don’t have to twist ourselves to fit—our worth is already complete.

Try this: Reflect on three aspects of yourself that you value, aspects that have nothing to do with achievements or external recognition. Let these qualities anchor you in moments of doubt or tension.

2. Claim Space with Purpose and Empathy

Moving through a world that isn’t always built for us takes resilience, but we don’t have to do it alone. Every space we enter, every relationship we build, can be an opportunity to shape and change the narrative—not just for ourselves, but for others who will follow. When I founded ACCESSory Insights, LLC, I wanted it to be more than a consulting firm; I wanted it to be a place where people could truly belong. We each have the power to create spaces like this.

Try this: Identify a space in your life—personal or professional—that feels challenging or unwelcoming. Ask yourself: What small steps could I take to create a more inclusive, supportive environment here, for myself and for others?

3. Seek Transparency and Open Dialogue

The Oxygen Theory is rooted in the belief that transparency leads to healing. In organizations, as in life, the unspoken issues, the unaddressed struggles, can stifle growth and well-being. I’ve found that when we create space for open, honest conversation, we also create space for transformation.

Try this: Think of a relationship or context in your life where transparency might bring healing. Consider opening a dialogue that addresses what has gone unspoken—whether that’s a personal boundary, a work concern, or a long-held feeling. Trust that honesty, even when difficult, can lead to new possibilities.

Walking This Path Together

There is still so much I am learning, so much I am working toward. My journey as an advocate, a strategist, and an organizational physician is far from over, and I’m grateful for each of you joining me on this path. If you’ve ever felt out of place, unheard, or underestimated, I hope my story offers you encouragement.

We are each a unique luxury in this world. We don’t need to fit into prescribed molds to be worthy of respect or belonging. We belong simply because we exist.

In this season of my life, I am more dedicated than ever to creating spaces that honor the fullness of people’s stories. And I want to encourage each of you to do the same in your own ways. Wherever you find yourself, may you remember that you are enough. And may you find the strength and courage to build spaces that affirm this truth for others as well.

Thank you for allowing me to share my story with you. Here’s to creating a world where every story, every life, feels valued and celebrated.

Warm regards,

Zay